nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
