Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
