I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My cat gives me a boner
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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