for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
