Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
