grandma shit on top of the toilet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
