i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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