when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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