In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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