I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
