i permit you to call me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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