do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
