My room smells like vodka and shame
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
