You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
