Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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