Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
