Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
