Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
