Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize