lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
