I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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