I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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