Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
