apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
