I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
