Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
