i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
