Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
