His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize