Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
