I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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