your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
