there's paper in my vomit.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
