If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
