He kissed a someone with a penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
