apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
