I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
