Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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