you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
