my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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