We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
