My pussy is not your playground.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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