I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That's when you crack a 10am beer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
