I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
