Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I supernannyed him into submission
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
