I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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