Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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