you're like a bully in the Christmas story
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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