I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
