Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
