standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
