I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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