I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
