she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
