The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
