My nipple is on Facebook.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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