There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize