I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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