my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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