if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
