youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
