I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
