i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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