I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
