He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
