Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize