last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
