There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
