then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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