An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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