Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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